"We need to talk, Nur. Can you leave for awhile? We cannot discuss it here." I knew this was coming. Her eyes looked sad. I could not imagine and did not dare to imagine what was going through her mind. Ever since her return from her 1 year sabbatical leave, a few days back, Husna was no longer the Husna that I knew. Her once cheery disposition had turned to be reserved. Her smiles were limited and her eyes downcast most of the time. She was always in deep thoughts.
A part within me knew that she knew about me and Zaihan, about my decision. I could not bring myself to talk to her. I was guilt ridden. I was like the mouse that went out to play when the cat was away.
"Meet me at the carpark, please." she said softly. There was a sense of urgency in her voice. I nodded. I cleared my table and dropped a short note to my boss indicating that I'll be taking the day off. I waited until she was out of sight. I did not want my other colleagues to know. Or, did they already know? I wondered.
*******************************
As the wind blew her dark hijap and long black abaya, I dawned on me that she looked so pale and frail. We stood where Zaihan and I were a few months back. The fateful day I made the decision. I could feel her heartache. I had done her wrong. I knew. Could she forgive me for all the heartaches that I caused her? It was a mistake, a nightmare. I should not have done it in the first place.
"Why did you reject him, Nur? Isn't he good enough for you?" I was taken aback by her question. That was not the question I was expecting. She was supposed to curse me, call me a husband snatcher. She was supposed to make me feel bad. That's what I had imagined her do to me. She should be tormenting me the way I had done to her. That was her opportunity for backlash...torment me physically, mentally and emotionally.
Thousands of thoughts went through my mind. What was wrong with her? Was she a normal, emotional woman like me? How should I answer her? I thought my actions were clear. I thought my decision was clear. I had asked for a clean break.
"I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I am so sorry for all that I have done. It was wrong." Tears of repent rolled down my cheeks. I still loved him, for heaven's sake. I was doing it for her. It was the only way for me to redeem myself. I could not undo what was done, the damaged was done. Leaving him was the only solution for me. The only way to make others happy.
Husna's eyes met mine. Suddenly, I was enveloped by a sense of calmness. She pulled me close to her and hugged me tight. Our wet cheeks met. I was comforted by her warmness. Did she forgive me? We cried together for a moment, like long lost siblings. Husna had been there for me ever since I started work. I could not possibly continue to betray her trust.
Then I heard her say"Nur, please marry him. I am pleading you. He needs you, Nur. If you love me like your own sister, please...please marry him." What in the world was happening? I thought. I was overcome by shock. I pushed myself away and looked at her in disbelief. Was my mind playing games with me? Did I hear what I actually heard? Did she actually said those words? I wanted an answer. I looked at her for an answer, puzzled, confused.
She stood back, wiped her tears. She nodded and smiled.
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"Check Mate!" Zaihan exclaimed as he moved the queen into position. "You ladies are giving me such a easy game!" His whole face brightened in a playful laugh. Husna and I looked at our husband. He was a fair man. Not many man can do what he has done. If it was not for Husna, the main woman behind the man, I would not be here to share their wonderful love life. Life is so unpredictable...only Allah swt knows what is best for us.
"... it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not." (Al-Baqarah 2:216)
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