How do you define success? A friend asked me once. I am not sure why she asked but a part of me thought that maybe she asked because I gave her the impression that success to me means material wealth, holding a high paying job and those within the likes of it. I thought maybe I looked like a showoff and sounded arrogant. Maybe. But truthfully, I never look at success as such.

Those who are extremely close to me, I can actually count with one hand - less than 5 people, I'd say know that success to me is not all those material stuffs. If people were to ask me whether I think I am successful, I'd humbly say yes, I think I am quite successful. Sounds ironic right? But to me success means achieving what values hold dear to me, not what values society think I should have.

In this age where we have plentiful of millionaires, billionaires etc etc, the media or society would picture success as being very rich, having a big business or being a CEO of some huge organisation, live in a bungalow with many many cars. This definition of success is so ingrained in society that many people I know truly believe that they are NOT successful just because they did not meet the benchmark that our society sets. As a result, they are unhappy, frustrated and ashamed of themselves.

I see many people around me who are so hungry to rub shoulders with people who they believe are successful. They make these "successful" people their role models. Unfortunately, they forget that the values of their role models are different from theirs. How can one be happy and so called "successful" if one has to adopt another persons values and throw his own values out the window?

I was asked to attend the National Achievers' Congress some time back - maybe because they think that I need to be motivated more. I thought it was such a coincidence that one of the speakers (Dr John DeMartini) spoke about the meaning of success. I still remember the story that he told. Here goes:

A dentist (let's call him Mr A) came to Dr J and said that he needed help. He was not successful and his business was not doing as well as his competitor. He saw himself as a complete failure.

Dr J : What made you think that you are a failure?

Mr A : My business is not doing well. It is not as good as Mr B, my neighbour who lives at the top of the hill. My house is too small. I wish it is as big as Mr B's who has many cars. Mine is a rundown one.

Dr J: Is there anything that you think you are successful in or you are happy with?

Mr A : None

Dr J : I am sure there is at least one?

Mr A : I have a great relationship with my son. We also play ball together.

Dr J : Great! What about your neighbour? Does he have a great relationship with his son?

Mr A : Come to think of it. I don't think so. I've never seem him with his son. He leaves early and comes back late.

Dr J : Is there anything in your life that you think is a success?

Mr A: My family is very close. My wife and I have a great relationship. We always spend time together. My mom-in-law lives with us and we get along great.

Dr J : So what about your neighbour's relationship with his family?

Mr A : Hmmm, not so good. I hear they always quarrel. They don't seem to enjoy each other's company.

Dr J : So would you trade places with that neighbour of yours to have what he have - to be successful and wealthy?

I cannot remember the rest of the story but I think you get the point, right? Anyway, I got the point. The neighbour's focus was getting money. His value emphasis was on material wealth. Wealth comes many forms not just materials. All of us are successful and wealthy in our own way. And even if there's times when we feel that we are a failure - it's ok because failing is just a feedback for us to get back on our feet to become successful again. 8)