I first read it this morning in a small column at Forum page, ST. It is my morning ritual to read the Straits Times while sipping my coffee and nibbling my bread. The article caught my attention. Ever since I became a mother, any news about children will definitely catch my attention.

So it was said that a mother left her crying 3 year old son by the roadside. The story was mentioned again in the Newpaper, this afternoon. I wondered if the mother has gone overboard with her anger and frustrations. Those who were interviewed tend to agree that it was irresponsible for the mother to do that. Yes, a child is demanding, a child can be difficult but a mother is expected to be an adult who can think rationally. I agree that it was dangerous for the mother to do that but could there be an underlying cause for her to act that way?

A normal mother, under normal condition will be reasonable to consider the safety of her child first before doing anything. It is just natural for a mother to put her child's life first before hers. What the mother did, I believe is beyond the norm. Something may have triggered that abnormal reaction. It may even be a call for help from the mother. I maybe wrong but my instinct tells me the POOR MOM needs help. Only if we help the mother then we can help the child.

As a mother of 4 very young children, I had my fair share of the very downside of being a mother. The problem was not my children, it was not them who were difficult or throwing tantrums, it was me. The problem was me. It was not an easy fact to embrace. But once I realised and accepted that it was me who needs to change, everything fell in place perfectly.

I realised that I had very high expectations of being a mother. I expected that I should cook healthy food for them, bathe them, read to them, teach them, play quality games with them, keep the house perfectly free from dust for them etc etc etc. The lists went on and on. I strived very hard to meet those expectations but my performance usually disappointed me. I became frustrated, easily irrated, disappointed and on the whole, not a pleasant person to be with.

I have managed those expectations now with the help of my significant other, who constantly tells me that I should not expect too much of myself. He tells me that I should just enjoy the children the way they are. So now, I just play with them, no quality games. We just have fun, sitting around aimlessly, watching TV, talking nonsense and making faces...no more MUST do something so can learn something. It is just fun.

I am no longer embarassed when I say I don't cook and I don't do any cleaning, not anymore. When I am at home, it is just play time and bonding time with the family. I no longer try to be THE PERFECT MOTHER that I picture in my head or compare myself with other mothers. I just be ME, the normal mother. The best deal that I got is that I'm happy and my family is so happy. I also don't get angry easily now and I am fun to be with. It is a major change.

So the important lesson that I learn is that I should not compare myself with other mothers who fit my profile of a perfect mother. There's no point in benchmarking myself to others. I just be who I really am. And I am just glad that my family loves me for who I am. 8)