I received a very inspirational article just now. It was one of the speeches made by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios. This one was made to a group of newly graduates. I get very geared up when I read these articles. People who took the road less travelled. Steve Jobs never graduated and yet he was successful doing things that he really loved. He was passionate about the things the he did.

I have been asking myself, what is it that I really love. What is it that I am passionate about that I don't mind working my arse to do it. I just could not find the answer - Not that I do not have any interest in anything. I just have too many interests. If you don't have any interest, it is so much easier to find one. BUT when you have too many, you just get confused and don't know which one to choose.

I am in constant dilemma. I wish I could just do it. One of my friends, who is now a very successful real estate agent among our Muslim community, I shall call him S, asked me what was holding me back - and that was back in 2003. He wanted me to join him and I kept on holding back. I think he gave up on me. 8( I actually like selling houses. I loved going round from house to house - receeing the place before potential buyers come, negotiating. I enjoy that but I don't know what held me back then. Maybe it is fear of failure. I dunno. I let the opportunity passed by me and had another baby. 8)

Another thing I enjoy is writing. I actually have 2 completed children's books - only need to be illustrated. I have been procrastinating sending it for publishing for more than a year now. God - I am the mother of all procratinators. I should shoot myself. I also have many short stories - and I kept thinking who would want them, right? I am no JK Rowling. Am I so negative? I can be so positive and so encouraging to others and yet, so hard on myself.

Sending these stories to publishers is like drawing my own blood. Maybe after writing this, I would have more courage. I kept on reading inspirational stuffs, motivational stuffs - from Jay Abraham to Andrew Matthews and yet, I have not done a thing I read. You know, it is so much easier to be wise to others than to be wise to yourself. I wish I could just sum up the courage and you know just do it. By the way, I love the new Nike ad. Maybe I should just do that, leave my old self behind.....