Changing Perspective

I think I am getting old. I just don’t understand the same language as these single-tons. I can’t seem to be able to see things in their perspectives. We no longer share the same wavelength. Just because I am married with children and they are singles – even though we belong to the same age group, we just can’t seem to understand one another.

Maybe after I got married, my views changed tremendously. I don’t know. Maybe I hold an archaic view that we, humans are created in pairs - that men are created for women and women for men. Maybe it is my religious background.

Working in a predominately female environment, there is no lack of single women in this entire building. In fact, there are plenty. They range from the younglings 20 something to the matured 40-50 something. I respect their decisions not to get married and raise families of their own. It may be due to some failed relationships resulting in the loss of trust towards men. But what I found puzzling is some of their views towards commitment and marriage is so-so……I just cannot find the right word – uncanny?

I thought when a man shows that he is committed, that he is not making use of you and is serious about marriage and having a family, he sounds like a good catch – someone who is a husband material and who can potentially become someone you can grow old with. So I find it strange that the single women I know get turned off by men that fall within this category. Most of them consider these men as “Desperados”.

I get remarks like “I don’t need a man to make me feel complete.” “I am sure you know that we don’t need to get married to have sex.” “Men are stupid and I’d rather play with them then be committed”. No wonder more and more Singaporean men are going to Vietnam and China just to get married. Because Singaporean women just wanna have fun!

Initially, I did not believe a friend who told me that it is difficult to get a girlfriend to be committed to a relationship. He is disillusioned with Singaporean girls. Being a staunch Catholic, he told me that “Most Singaporean girls are just happy to jump into bed with any man with no strings attached. They would rather have you just treat them as sex objects than have a committed serious relationship.” Maybe, he is correct. I hope not.

Things have changed but not for the better. Yes, in terms of economics and education – we have made improvements in leaps and bounds but our values have gone down by that same leaps and bounds. Starting a family, getting married is no longer one of the top priorities of Singapore singles. It appears that most singles are just working to get personal satisfaction – they don’t see the need to share their lives with a significant other.

One single-ton once told me,” If I am lonely and need sex, I just call a man who is more than happy to come by. If I am lonely and need a child, I just adopt. I don’t need a husband to make my life complicated. I am just happy being single.” Somehow, that remark made me feel sad for her.