Dear D

It has been more than 20 years since I wrote to you. I was just a little girl then, so naive, so blissfully ignorant about the happennings of the world, without any cares of the world. Remember D when I told you that my dream is to be married to an Arab Tycoon and I don't even mind being the younger wife....remember D, the time when I told you that I wished that my future husband would be as handsome as Tom Howell, God knows what happen to that guy. I wish I found you again. I just could not remember where you were.

My darling D, time has changed. Would you believe it if I tell you that I have 4 children now and all of them are girls. Life is funny, isn't it? I know you would always remember the time when I told you that I wish I had sisters and an older brother to look over me. Now, I have them in the form of DH and my children. Oh, my DH is definitely not an Arab Tycoon!

I wanted to be so many things. I have so many dreams. I wanted to be a wife, mother, teacher, lecturer, financial controller, insurance agent, real estate agent, business woman, website designer, motivational speaker, writer and the list just do on and on and on. As I look back on all those dreams, most of them have become reality. I have practically tried all that I dream for but I realised that the reason for me not to continue to pursue these dreams is because I was afraid that I'd lose out in my most important vision in life, that is to be the best wife and mother that I can be.

I've always believe in a win-win situation. However, whenever such situation arises, you know that something must go. There would be a trade-off. There is no such thing as have the cake and eat it with all its good stuff. I have to come up with a compromise, a balanced approach.

Dear D, it has never been easy. I have people coming to me telling me that I may be wasting my talent and potential here. I have people telling me that if I moved on I would be getting at least 3 or 4 times what I am getting now. If I say money does not matter, I am just being politically correct. I am deceiving myself. Money does matter. But to me, additional money means additional sacrifices and additional time. Am I willing to trade off more for that extra sense of achievement? I am still thinking.