Polygamy Revisit?

I have been contemplating on whether to blog about this or not. It is afterall my very personal thoughts. I am taking a stance that is not usually taken by women, in general. So I am not sure how some of you would react - considering, that most of my readers are female, married with children...hehehe. Before I start, please read with an open mind, this is just my opinion, from a different point of view. 8)

Yesterday, I was doing some catch-ups on the news that I have missed. It has become a habit for me to go through at least 3 newspapers in a day. So I was reading yesterday's TODAY and Monday's TODAY, one after the other. And again, what caught my eye was the views on marriage vis a vis cohabitation. Yesterday's article was a summary made by the sub-editor on all the comments that were made by fellow readers.

A few days back, there was a Chinese reader who mentioned that polygamy would be a solution to a lot of social ills such extra-marital affairs. Strange, that such remark came from a Chinese (here, I am assuming that the person is a non-Muslim). But not so strange when one female Muslim reader actually replied by saying that, even a Muslim, she could not see the benefits of polygamy. The Muslim reader also commented on some things about why she felt polygamy could not work, about how society treats the 1st wives, and that polygamy should not be wished upon by anybody because it is a position that no one wish to be in. She went on to say that communications is the key to a good marriage. Fine, valid arguments and appealing to most women, married or not.

But, I tend to disagree with her arguments. I believe that people, in general, are always too concerned about how society think of them. In her argument, she said that the 1st wives would always be questioned about why their husband wanted to marry another one. There will definitely be a barrage of questions such as : was she not performing as a wife, was she filled with shortcomings blah, blah, blah - to the effect that 1st wives would end up being social outcasts.

Having said that, what is the difference between a divorced wife and being the 1st wife? Wouldn't divorcees also faced these questions? Is it worse, when a man divorced his wife just to marry another? Doesn't it look more like shifting responsibility instead on taking more responsibility? And yet, it seemed alright to go ahead and divorce nowadays. From statistics, among Muslims alone, we have more divorced cases than polygamy cases.

Our society coined the phrase "losing face"...Where on earth are these women and their families going to hide their faces if they become 1st wives? So that the narrow-minded society, who formed their own opinions and judgement about others, would not look down on them. As Muslims, who should we "lose face" to - Allah, the almighty or the society?

And in Islam, which is the thing that Allah despises but allows, none other than the act of divorce. And what is the thing that Allah allows but society (man) despise, polygamy. So why is it that we are quick to recommend a good divorce lawyer who can fight for woman's rights,using man-made law under The Woman's Charter but condemn man who wants to marry another?

The world is full of paradox. A woman would rather have her husband commit sins by having extra-marital affairs, that she know not, so that she would feel secured being the one and only wife. A woman would rather have her husband whisper sweet nothings in her ears rather than hear his wishes of getting married to another. A woman would rather "bobbit" her husband or seek a divorce, just because he wants to marry another. For fear of shame, embarrassment, losing the sense of possession and irrational jealousy.

And why should we bother about how society judge 1st wives? In the eyes of Allah swt, 1st wives may be looked upon highly than the rest, because of the challenges that they have to face. These are the women that know the "true" meaning of love. These are the women that are chosen. Why should it be said that it is a position that no woman would want to be?

I believe that there should be a change in mindset. Our society is getting too narrow-minded and self-centered. Our ideas about divorce, marriage and polygamy seem to stray from the teachings of Islam. Yes, there are cases of husbands who abused their "power" of marrying more than one but we should not begin to typecast a man as a womaniser if he voiced out his intention to marry another. If he has the means and the capability to carry out the responsibility, why not?

If the world is THE perfect place, it would be HEAVEN and it is mentioned in the Quran that in heaven, there is no such thing as jealousy. Jealousy is the root of all evil. If for a minute, we get rid of that feeling of jealousy, wouldn't our world be our current heaven?

Only Allah has eternal love. Our love for our husbands and their love for us is not, we merely borrowed love for a limited period of time. It, too, will pass when we leave this world. For the short period that we have, why not use it, in ways that we should. Mothers always tell the children, it is good to share. It is a selfless act to give something that is so close to you. And since polygamy allows us to share something that is so close to us, then why do we make it look so bad - just because society is not ready to accept it.

Like marriage, I see that polygamy has many benefits. Husbands would not stray if wives accept and acknowledge that they can marry another. Population will boom with high birth rates. Divorce will fall, as man would be marrying more instead of divorcing. And maybe many other social problems. What the future holds, I know not. All I know is that Allah knows best and maybe the time has not come for our society to realise the true meaning of polygamy.