Of Birds & Bees

When a child reaches a certain age, questions like where do babies come from or why the face of a baby is almost similar to the father or mother becomes inevitable. As parents, we cannot avoid them or pretend that these questions are taboos that should not be answered.

I am glad I have daughters. I used to complain about not having a son. But I realised now, that it is so much easier for me to talk to my girls about what will happen to their bodies when they grow up and how they should look after themselves. I mean I wouldn’t really know how a boy develops to become a man. That would never be my forte.

A friend once told me that her mother never talked to her about menstruation, about sanitary pads, about giving births or even about wearing bras. When she reached puberty, she recalled that her mother was at a loss – did not know what to tell her. She had to learn on her own, figure out how to wear the pads. She was the only girl and she had 4 brothers who were of no help. And looking back, I realised that my mom was quite ahead of her times, she did tell me in details about this and that. And I knew when the time came, why all these things were happening to me. I was not afraid as I had anticipated it,

Another friend told me that his mother told him that babies came from under the armpits!!! He believed it for a long, long time. At an age where logic does not matter, children will always believe whatever the adult says, especially if it is the parents. It is no wonder that some teenagers think that they can have babies even by touching hands. Back to my friend, he said he felt cheated by his mother when he found out the truth – maybe in Sec 3 or 4 when he learnt biology.

We have heard many highly creative stories on where babies came from. Usually, I’d hear some parents mention that babies come out from the navel. It was common maybe 30 to 40 years ago when some parents even said that they picked the babies from somewhere – giving the false impression that the child was abandoned. An aunt told that when she was young, she thought she was adopted when in actual fact, she wasn’t. I mean, doesn’t this create unnecessary stress for the child? Maybe back then, there aren’t any better terms to describe this. And any direct reference to the private parts was construed as vulgar – which I don’t really agree. I’ll talk about it some other time.

But now, we have no such excuses. There are scientific terms that parents or educators can make reference to when explaining to the children about their changing body and sex.

Many of my friends have boys – which is actually good for me because I have many choices for future son-in-laws! For those with boys, how do you approach the subject of puberty? Do you ask your husbands to tell them? I’m just wondering.