I planned to write something that would motivate others but instead I am writing this. Sigh….it must be one of those days. I felt this way about 3 years ago when I was pregnant with my 4th one and I am experiencing it now. I am just tired of all these office routine – the meetings, the endless emails, the report writing, the follow ups, queries after queries.
I know I once wrote that I was grateful for the job that I have. I still am but I also know that I am just a human, a flawed one – not perfect, not immune to the ups and downs of life. And it is times like these that I wish I am just at home – not without help, of course. I wish that I can stay home, with my current helper still doing the housework and some cooking and me, doing whatever I like. I know it is wishful thinking, because I tend to get bored and soon will want to leave the nest and look for things to do.
But the thing that I really want is flexibility – which unfortunately is not so welcomed in this organisation. I have asked for part time work, work from home, flexi hours and all turned down. And these policies are actually allowed by the organisation but there is a catch – it up to your immediate supervisor to decide. And if you have a supervisor like mine who strongly believe that people can only do work when they are in the office, all those flexible HR policies become redundant.
I know there will come a time in the future where I will understand why things are presently like this. It is always on hindsight that you see the benefits of events that unfold before you but presently, I just cannot see it. I need something to motivate me into actually working. This may sound weird – I am working but I do not feel like I am. I no longer get excited by the projects that I have. I no longer feel the adrenalin pumping as deadlines approaches. Everything feels like it is happening in slow motion – time passes very slowly. It feels like I am wasting time doing nothing. Isn’t it weird?
I wonder whether anyone out there has experienced such a strange feeling. I spoke to some people and they assured me that it must be the hormones acting up. And I hope they are right.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
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8 comments:
siz....fret not. you're not the only 1 feeling that way in yr current pregger state. im shared yr sentiments.i couldnt decide whether to hold this job or to move on. i just dun like what im doing now as things have become redundant and monotonous. im not sure if its the hormones. i felt terribly worse when i've to return to work. the thought of missing on my baby's important milestones and having to keep motivating myself that i've to work to spend on the baby does not help me in any way now.
so the only way is to keep finding new motivational support every new day.....
*sigh*
mcm nak pregnant lagik rasanya and enjoy the 12 weeks of maternity leave. LOL!
anyway, when r u due?
Ko ni....dok rumah dah lerr!!!! ikot style aku, hehehehe. aku salute ko ah....ada paln utk nombor 6???? heheheheheeeeeee
aliyah - I am actually due 4 Feb 07 but usually, I'd give birth 2 weeks earlier so if this one follows the rest, it would be end of January, insya'allah. And yes, everyday, I have to read something to motivate me to work....What a dread!
Pinkie - Sekarang memang rasa nak dok rumah lah. The last time I dok rumah 6 months, I dah tak leh tahan, nak keje. hehe. You ask me about the 6th one after I deliver lah - I may be able to give you a better answer...heh. 8)
I have never been pregnant my whole life but I still experienced finding work a drag. But that was years ago and now I am happy with what I am doing and enjoy coming to work. Not only for the money.
I was having a chat with a friend of mine who is also pregnant and every time i talk to her, she complains about dragging herself to work and that she'd feel like quitting.
I guess, it must be the hormones then.
And you are so not alone. Heh.
Yara - What is the secret? It has been such a long time since get the feeling that I love going to work. The last time I have such motivation is before I had children - I could work till night fall and yet feel so excited to go back to work the next day. Maybe I no longer love what I do. 8(
Sal - It is so much easier to just blame it on the hormones, for the moment...hehe
No secret BQ. Just positive thinking at the start of each day.
=D pasal pregnant eh? I'm not pregnant.. but i sometimes feel like that also. macam semua yang kita buat kat ofis tu.. buang masa aje.. When u start to think Deeeeeeep into what u're doing.
like instead of wasting time like this.. i shud be home with my kids.. or resting.. or.. or..
tu kadang2. Kadang2 semangat nak kerja.
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