Missing You, Missing Me

I miss having the luxury of blogging and blog hopping. I miss writing comments in your blogs. I miss reading all those interesting entries. I miss having the time to write, to surf the net, to read the newspapers, magazines and whatever reading materials that I can get my hands on. I just miss them.

How am I coping? Ok I guess. Sometimes, it is fantastic. Sometimes it is just horrible. But isn't it normal to have ups and downs? So I am just riding the waves as I go along. What I really wish for is to have more energy and more time to write. Maybe what I really need is discipline - but for those who have cared for young babies, I am sure you know how unpredictable they can be. I can plan my timetable like I am at work but babies don't work according to our schedule - we have to work around their schedule. So my timetable is usually flushed down the drain.

Sometimes as I carry out my daily chores like sweeping the floor or even while ironing, I feel that I am writing in my mind and how I wish technology is so sophisticated that what I have in mind can be transported into hardcopy for me to read, edit and publish on my blog later on.

Besides missing what I enjoy doing, I am also going to miss a very good friend who will leave for UAE in March with her hubby and 3 children. I am going to miss all those lunches that we have, those heart to heart talk about religion, family, career. She will be away for at least 3 years and I even thought of getting a webcam so I can see her while I chat.

Epi and I have known each other for more than a decade - that is most of my adult life. I love her to bits. When I first heard that her hubby had plans of taking up a job overseas, deep in my heart I knew Epi wouldn't want to go. I know Epi. Her attachment here is too strong but I also knew that having her hubby work alone there is never an option for her.

Besides, I also did not want her to go. I'd miss her so much. But as a good friend, I have to support her in whatever decision that she takes. We talked a lot about her being away, how her sons would be taking in, the family members and friends who she would be leaving behind. I never told her that I actually did not want to see her go. I feel that if I were to do that, I may influence her decision. And now that I know she's going, I am happy as well as a bit sad. But I am assured that the decision she made is as Allah wants it to be.

The last time she came over to see me, I saw tears in her eyes but I couldn't let myself reciprocate. It is not that I will not miss her. I will miss her a lot - for more than 10 years, we meet almost every day. But I feel that there's no need for me to worsen how she must feel now. The thought of saying goodbyes to those who are leaving behind is heart breaking enough. I just have to be happy for her.

So I remembered smiling, making jokes about her sending back cheese and salmon for me but I was sad - sad to see her go. Epi doesn't read blogs. She does not have the time. But maybe when she is in UAE where she will be a stayhome Tai-tai, a title that I like to call her as she's bringing her maid along as a support system there, she may start reading my blogs. And if she were to stumble on this entry, I just want to tell her - Epi, I miss you.